“People will love you, people will hate you, and none of it will have anything to do with you”. Abraham-Hicks
So who cares if you don’t like me?
Well, I guess if I’m really honest I do, but I have had a shift recently with my relationship, to being liked (or not liked).
Now if I’m really honest, I have spent most of my life (probably like a lot of people) wanting people to like me. I don't really like to admit this too much, as it doesn't seem cool to me. I wish I was one of those people that was effortlessly not bothered by other people's opinions! Even people that I didn’t like, I wanted to like me (crazy huh! 
). Now, I’m not going to pretend I have any secret formulas to care less. I still do care too much at times, however I think the thing that I like is that those times are becoming scarcer. It is an ongoing challenge for me. But I am learning to care less and be myself more, which I am finding pretty cool.
In relation to the quote at the top of this post, we might not want to admit it, but it is true. Our likes and dislikes about other people, really don't define them, just as their opinions of us don't define us.
One of the things I have also learnt from my days as a people pleaser is that it’s a rocky path, because at the end of the day, your self esteem is wrapped up in other peoples opinions of you.” Yeay they’re happy, I am happy too.” “Oooh, they’re unhappy…was it me, did I do something to upset them?” it’s a tiring way to live and ultimately unsatisfying for everyone involved. Also wants to be around someone like that? Anyone that’s doing anything worthwhile in the world, or has achieved success will have criticism levelled at them at some time.
It’s not about being a &*!£!
Often when I think of this topic, or read about it, I wonder about the people that behave badly (we’ve all met them and maybe even sometimes been them 
). Are they just being approval independent? I think for me, the easiest way is to go by gut feeling. Really listen to what they say and see where they are coming from. Sometimes people are dismissed as being awkward, when they actually have something very valid to say.
To live consciously you must cultivate approval-independence. Steve Pavlina
If you are not sure of your own motivation, take the time to examine your thoughts. Are you being approval independant or are you just using that as an excuse for something else? The more you become approval independant, the more you will know what it's like being on the receiving end of not being understood at times. If you are clear about your own motivations, it will help you remain clear about what you are saying too.
Following our hearts and doing what we think is right, won’t always meet with others approval. In fact the more you do it, the more disapproval may be levelled at you. Just because you are doing something ‘different’ or maybe because you are successful. Sometimes that makes other people jealous. For me, I am finding just trying my best each day to be authentic and speak from the heart. Ultimately people may still like or not like me, but at least I've been myself.
How do YOU cultivate approval independance?
Jen - For waaaaaaay too long I've been caught up in what other people think of me. It's a truly vicious trap and one that I'm still working on.
It's only when we stop caring about what other people think of us that we can truly make progress in our lives. Ironically, always trying to please others will lead to unhappiness with yourself.
Nate - Fearless Endeavors´s last blog ..Confessions of an Introvert and Notes on Being Yourself
"People will love you, people will hate you". I like these words because they reflect the fact that no matter how you choose to be, some will like your for it, some will always be on the opposite side. The only way you can please everybody is if you are a chameloen, but I don't think anybody can be a perfect chameleon. Besides, the alternative of approval-independence makes a lot more sense.
Eduard
Great post Jen,
Although Hate is quite a strong word, How about:
"People will love you, People will sometime disagree or dislike you or in some cases be jealous of you and thus not love you as much as others"
Ok, your title was better.
Jonny | thelifething.com´s last blog ..Your Blog Is Awesome and I Am A Shameless Whore
Hey Nate
I think it really is an ongoing thing, to keep letting go of those thoughts and cultivating the art of being true to yourself. I do think little victories lead to big steps. I know for me this year, being more assertive in situations when I wouldn't have been in the past, for example, have helped me look at myself in a different way i.e. as someone that says what needs to be said, when needed.
Same here.
All the best, thanks for stopping by and being so honest.
Hey Eduard
You hit the nail on the head! I think in some ways I used to try and be a chameleon and fit in with others but to be honest even then, people don't always like you! 
As you say, the approval independance option is more attractive ultimately and I think at least if you are yourself, then you've got one part right! 
Great to see you here.
Thanks for stopping by.
Heya Jonny!
Thanks Jonny.
haha! Cheers! guess I was going for a bit of shock factor with the title!
Jen
Hey Jen, great post. I like your idea of being approval independent, it's a great way to build courage, personality and independence.
Oscar - freestyle mind´s last blog ..How to Beat the Fear of Change
Jen, I love the quote by Abraham Hicks
And without a doubt every person has his critics, just as every person has his shadow.
Great post and by the way I love marmite
Hey Oscar
Definatly, I like how you put that, it is about building that way of being about things.
Thanks
Hey Jon
You are right, I think that's part of the human experience.
Great to meet you.
Great quote isn't it, Abraham-Hicks quotes are so good, cut to the heart of things.
Thanks for taking the time to leave a comment. Haha! Funnily enough I never used to, but am liking more since going vegetarian!
Jen
Hey, Thanks Jen for such a great post.. I totally agree with "Following our hearts and doing what we think is right, won’t always meet with others approval."...what i also learnt from observations and experiences is that : one can never keep everyone around happy...as different people (we know) hv different expectations from us...Thanks again...
Thanks Gunjan
You're so right, this is only a pretty recent realization for me, but very profound!
Thanks for stopping by.
Jen
Great post, Jen. I love the Steve Pavlina quote: "to live consciously you must cultivate approval-independence." As I've been blogging and transitioning my work and my life more in the direction of what feels right for me, some of my former colleagues and peers have expressed disapproval or lack of understanding. As a result, at times I've wondered whether indeed I'm crazy and whether I shouldn't stay doing what I've always done. Most of the time I'm able to see that, if I do what they'd approve of it's only making them feel OK at my expense. But it's quite a tough one. I just have to keep reminding myself that I'm OK and I have choice. The success measure for me is how, over time, I feel about following my own path. So far, so good!
Thanks again!
Christine´s last blog ..What do you do when your life doesn’t go according to plan?
Hi Christine
It's a fantastic quote isn't it?! That's a great example from your own life, I think it can be tempting to go along with others opinions but ultimately I think the more we listen to out own voice, the more we strengthen it, like you are doing. I also think feelings can be a good indicator of being on the right path - keep going along the road less travelled! I'm with you in spirit. 
Thanks.
Striving for approval independence!
Sheila McCann´s last blog ..Fishegg # 54 Mistakes are portals to discovery
It is such a freeing place to not be a people pleaser and yet it is a daily practice! Glad to have found you. Great post!
I know! Same here on both counts Shannon!
Great to meet you too, thanks for stopping by.
Jen
Approval independent - love it.
You know, it seems like the arrival at this ideal has got to be a gradual transition that some make, and others do not. As children, when we are first being exposed to the world, I think approval from others is the only way we make sense of everything, which is the first step in that nasty little cultural habit of social conditioning. So, at that point, it seems like an unavoidable thing to encounter. However, as we grow and start to cultivate our ability to think critically, I think this is a key element that either propels us toward an approval independent perspective, or in its absence will fling us in the opposite direction, right down the road to Materialism Mountain.
Ash´s last blog ..Give Me Liberty, Or Give Me Death (Bow-Chica-Wow-Wow)
Hiya Ash
ha ha ...love that...thanks Ash! 
It's great isn't it!
I think it is a gradual transition, to being approval independant - I know it is for me....a gradual chipping away at what I think is expected of me and having the courage to listen to my heart. And...I know I don't want to be flung down the road to Materialism Mountain!
Jen x
Hi Jen,
This has been a lifelong struggle of mine. That is, caring too much about what other people think. The older I get at least I am getting a little more particular about who these people are. If it is someone that I respect then approval from them matters more than approval from people I do not respect. I think it is a hereditary thing, this need for approval but I think it can be overcome. It is certainly a good topic to bring up in a post.
So how do I cultivate approval-independence? I guess it is that I reached a point and say to myself why waste the energy on wanting approval from everyone. As I said, I do care about what the people I love are saying or thinking but other than that, I have learned to ignore it. I think the characteristics that make us want approval from others also may be the same characteristics that allow us to feel and appreciate life maybe more than those callous individuals who can ignore what other people think. It's a fine line but I would rather be the one who cares more than the one who doesn't care at all.
Best,
Bob
Bob Bessette´s last blog ..Moving to WordPress...
Heya Bob
I think this is the case for a lot of people - I know its definately something I am working on! I think you raise a good point - if I am going to ask for approval I'd rather do it from someone who I love and who's opinion I respect. It is a fine line, I guess being conscious is about being aware of your impact and these factors and also following your heart.
Thanks as always Bob and hope you're settled in to your new blog
Jen