“Often people attempt to live their lives backwards: they try to have more things, or more money, in order to do more of what they want so they will be happier. The way it actually works is the reverse. You must first be who you really are, then do what you love to do, in order to have what you want.” Margaret Young
Who are you going to BE this year?
As the quote points out, we often get things topsy turvy. We often follow the path: have – do - be. We work out what we think we need to HAVE (more time, money, skills) and need to DO, to BE who we want to be. For example, I sometimes think that if I have more time and work harder, my coaching business and website will be more successful and I will BE happy.
However we all know that this approach doesn’t really work. Although we convince ourselves that more DOING will lead us to who we want to BE, how many times have we been proven wrong? How many times have we thought, when my business is doing really well, when I have 100 new subscribers, live in a new place or meet a fantastic partner… I will be happy? And how many times have a new set of problems stopped us in our tracks and stopped us from BEING who we really want to be, despite the fact that we HAVE those things?
The way the process actually works is:
BE – DO – HAVE
It's all about who we are BEING.
A shortcut
A quick way to decide who you want to be, is to look at what you want to have and think about who you would need to BE, to have that. For example, if you want to be promoted, who do you need to BE to get that promotion? Enthusiastic? Motivated? Inspiring? Another way to look at it is, who would you BE, once you got that promotion? Imagine how you want to behave, walk, talk and BE in that role and BE that way NOW.
100% Responsibility
A powerful point about living our lives form a place of beingness rather than doingness, is that it leaves you 100% in the driving seat of your experience. You don’t have to wait for other people to change, or to get the job of your dreams, to be who you want to be today.
Practice
It can take some practice, to learn how to be the way you want to be, on a consistent basis, but consider that you are always BEING a certain way, whether you are conscious of it or not. Rather than choosing your default ways of being (Unhappy? Happy? Sarcastic? Bubbly? Depressed?) you have a choice.
You can be ANY way you want to be
One of the things I know about myself is that I am often 'nice' on default. Now there is nothing wrong with that per se, and I’m not advocating not being nice, but sometimes I feel like I have no other choice but to be ‘nice’, which doesn’t always serve myself or others. Sometimes what’s called for, is to be assertive, authentic, or just another way of being. I am learning to be the way I want to be in this area. The choices are infinite. Find ways of being that are authentically inspiring for you.
There is nowhere to get to
This is a dichotomy, as in our physical, linear world, there is tomorrow and we have goals we are working towards. However scientists have proven that time is all illusion. Being who we want to be NOW is all there is to do, in each moment of now.
It's already so
The powerful thing about beingness, is that it is possible to be anything we wish, right now in this moment. Language is so powerful. If you say “I will be happy when XXXX” that is what you will get … your happiness out there in the future, someday, dependant on something happening to be happy. A powerful affirmation is always in the present moment e.g.: “I am happy and content.”
Then, whatever comes our way shouldn’t matter, we are already the way we want to be. Conversely, the was the universe works is that we attract what we want when we are in alignment with who we really are.
Remind yourself
I find it useful to have reminders for myself about who I want to be (in a notebook that I carry around with me, on my noticeboard at home). In the day to day, it can be easy to forget or get caught up in external events.
2010
As I mentioned, beingness is fluid and limitless and we do have a choice in each moment, of who we want to be. It is also powerful to have a focus for the year, which is my reason for writing this post. This year, the way of being that really appeals to me is gratitude.
Who are you committed to being this year?
If you enjoyed this post, please share it. 
A really enjoyable and well thougful post of yours. Thanks for sharing this .
To be in 2010 is a for being just what I am . Nothing else.
I would try to be just me for this year and see how it goes.
Sudeep´s last blog ..Urdva Mukha Svasana
Thanks Sudeep.
I really appreciate your kind words and great comment.
Jen x
Hey Jen - Happy New Year
Great advice here. I think we all would do better to be more authentic and true to ourselves. Now, that's certainly much easier said than done, right? Some people may have lost touch with who they really are and think they will be happy by doing something (using your example above). For 2010, I really want to focus on truly being 'me' and not following someone else's path for what success is. This involves constant questioning. If I think I want something, I question it. Is this what I want? Why?
Hopefully by being more present we can learn and accept who we truly are and take action from a place of true authenticity.
Nate´s last blog ..How to Deal With Stress in Your Life
"To wish you were someone else is to waste the person you are." is one of my favorite quotes... and it also answers your question
Thank you for sharing, Jen!
Bert Meert´s last blog ..Life Lessons from the Rubik's Cube
Before you can be happy, you have to be happy. We all have that default state of being that we've had for a long time, like your niceness.
Anyway.. I am commited to be more open to connections and help light the spark in others. Freedom is knocking!
Henri @ Wake Up Cloud´s last blog ..Why Some People Almost Always Get What They Want
Like Henri, I'm focusing on a specific aspect of my personality this year, which is helping to influence others in a positive way, encouraging where possible and living a lifestyle that inspires just by being.
Great reminder about the strength of your personal brand and how pointless it is if YOU aren't aware of it and living it yourself!
Colin Wright´s last blog ..My Magnetic Bromance
Heya Nate!
lovely to see you in 2010! Great point re: constant questioning - life is always changing as we are and I know what's true for me today isn't always true for me tommorrow. Here's to a great year of authenticity and being who we really are. 
Great quote Bert! So true _ who else is there to be ultimately?
thanks for stopping by Bert and look forward to talking more.
Jen
Hey Henri!
you're right, I think we all have default ways of being (I still do) but being aware helps shine a light on to it and helps us see we have a choice. Love who you are committed to being in 2010 - I already see you that way. 
Hiya Colin.
great comment and love what you are committed to - you always come across as very encouraging and inspiring to others in the blogosphere. Thanks Colin, 
Excellent article Jen, I really enjoyed it
Oscar - freestyle mind´s last blog ..From Zero to Hero: How to Become a Remarkable Person From Nothing
Hey Jen - It seems to be an uphill battle for most, quite understandably considering the bombardment of advertisements and media telling us all who we SHOULD be. It is easy to get confused as to who you really want to be in the end. We really need to pay attention to the tiny sparks of light that pop up every now and then, offering us glimpses of what we truly want in life. As Nate said, being more present is the key as it allows us to notice and then act upon these often foggy moments of authenticity.
Earl´s last blog ..A Decade of Wandering Ends, Another One Begins (Part 2)
@Oscar - thanks Oscar!
@Earl - I love what you said about paying attention to the tiny glimpses of light
and the present moment being where we find these. Thanks for dropping in Earl. 
Very deep post for me, Jen.
I think I sometimes get it the wrong way around and concentrate on doing first, especially on the entrepreneurship side. I feel awkward calling myself an entrepreneur unless I've actually made any money from a business.
Gordie´s last blog ..Interview With Captain Australia.
Hi Jen,
This article takes a bit of a different slant on things. I spent my first day back after the hols yesterday both writing a post for my own blog on my plans for this year, and reading lots of other stuff about what I should do in 2010, predictions for the year etc. So it was refreshing last evening to read your post and to consider instead who I will BE this year.
"It's already so" - these are truly empowering words. One of the things I get caught up in is in trying very hard to accomplish things, setting the bar so high for myself that I never achieve what I set out, projecting myself into some future state that keeps moving. Your words allow me to believe I already am the things I wish I was, and therefore have the things I wish I had.
Thanks so much as ever for your wisdom. Looking forward to more of it in 2010!
Warm wishes
Christine´s last blog ..How to not pretend you’re working when it’s the holidays
I loved this post Jen...it made me think about when I take videos of my kids and I tell them to say hi to their older selves in the future. That future self is a result of growth (hopefully on all levels). It would be crazy for me to tell them to stop being who they are today and wait until the future to 'be'. In a sense, that's what we often do to ourselves. This year the way of being that appeals to me is enthusiasm. Bringing more uplifting energy to all situations. Oh and I am no stranger to the "nice" default. For me, if I am in that default, I am either avoiding conflict or falling into the trap where I am not being realistic and thinking everyone should be nice and of course this is learned at an early stage. Happy New Year to you and @bigbluesky!
Sheila McCann´s last blog ..Fishegg # 68 Egga please!
@Gordie - Great point. I also sometimes get it wrong, and this post was a reminder to myself too for 2010 of where to focus on. I think with regards to 'being' it really is about 'being' those qualities(i.e. an entrepreneur for example might BE motivated, inspiring, visionary etc.) All these ways of being, you have been and are already.
its just a matter of being that way in the present, rather than a place to get to. I also think turning this process on its head does take a certain amount of faith ... as you point out if you haven't manifested something, are you being that way? I think yes, we all start somewhere and the being and the having are different.
Hiya Christine!
Lovely to have you back in the blogosphere.
I did the same as you and read lots of new year articles, and was contemplating my own post when it hit me, there is another way of looking at things.
"I already am the things I wish I was, and therefore have the things I wish I had." Thanks for the great quote!
I am glad this post resonated. I find it easy to get caught up in the doing too, but its great to take a deep breath and realise its all good and there is nowhere to get to.
here's to a great year!
Jen
Hiya Sheila! Happy New Year!
but a good learning curve, I am beginning to accept it and know I can be other ways too.
I am glad you enjoyed this post. I found what you said about your kids really inspirational. I think that's where alot of us get stuck, thinking others should be another way ... what a great gift to your children.
Love the choice of enthusiasm! It makes such a difference doesn't it?
I am glad I'm not the only one with the 'nice' default ... it can be a pain can't it!
thanks for the New Year wishes, I will also pass to Adrian.
Hey Jen could you clarify something fro me? I am not seeing a real difference between doing and being. Being seems to be an internal state while doing is the active aspects of being. The very nature of who you be dictates what you will do and the actions you will take.
Quinn´s last blog ..Time to play
Hey Quinn.
Sure - great question. An example of 'being' is when two people are doing a chore. One of them is 'being' enthusiastic and excited about it and one is 'being' resentful and annoyed about it. Neither might say anything about how they are feeling ... but everyone else around them will know!
Jen
Hi Jen,
Now that you asked, I am committed to:
1) Being less concerned about how others react or think and not to expect them to react a certain way.
Trying to enjoy life more.
2) Be more involved in my kids' lives.
3) Work at being a great husband.
4) Improve my speaking skills through Toastmasters now that I am back with that group.
5) Get to know more great people through my blog (yeah, I was lucky to have met and interviewed you last year).
6) Work more on my writing skills through my blog and do more paid guest posts to supplement my income.
7) Start featuring guest posts on my blog (I am featuring one this week).
9) Not sweating the small stuff!
10)Keep reading Jen's posts!
Happy New Year,
Bob
Bob Bessette´s last blog ..How do you plan on increasing blog traffic in 2010?
Hi Bob!
A great list you have there - thanks for sharing. I've got to say I am really impressed with your guest posts - I plan to follow suit and do a lot more this year too.
Jen
ps - thanks for includinh No. 10!
Oftentimes, we don't believe a thing unless we experience it. This is the reason why its hard for us to accept a fact that has been proven many times. Being wise can save us the trouble of repeating the mistake of others, all we need to do is to listen, contemplate and apply.
Though my mind tries to resists what you have shared here, I know that you are right. And I shall follow my inner wisdom than to fall victim of my ego.
Hi Walter.
I think you're right and my mind resists what I've written too! but like you I know it's true.
Thanks for dropping in.
Jen
Reading this felt like opening a box of cookies, anticipating yumness, only to find my own thoughts smiling back at me, cookies included.
Been thinking about and feeling the same way about the whole thing.
About Being instead of doing.
Surveying what you need to BE in order to have what you want is really good advice.
Beneath that, i think realising that you don't need anything to be you is what allows you to then stop getting in your own way and feel good whether or not you reach your goals. and make it easier to reach them because you're not fighting against reality in the process
Love the way your site is growing. Super inspiring.
Hope your new years was magic.
Stumbled!
Keep well jen,
a
Allexxx!
Yeah, the beingness side of things is really calling to me too recently, like you I am realising that we don't need anything to be ourselves ... I think the more we can 'be' and go with the flow ... the less 'banshee like' we become... and what's the point fighting reality?!
I am really glad you enjoyed my post - that means a lot to me.
Aw, thanks Alex, I appreciate your feedback - I am proud of my little corner of the web.
Fab-tastic New Year thanks - hope you did too.
Jen
Hi Jen,
Thanks for the reminder to be ourselves. I'm focussing on being the most "me" I can be in 2010 - whether anyone (other than myself) likes it or not!
Really like your blog.
Kara
Kara´s last blog ..Valentine’s Day, Surrounded By Love
Hi Kara,
Sounds great! I look forward to hearing more about your journey.
Thank you - that's awesome to hear.
Jen
At the beginning of the year I climbed Croagh Patrick (in Ireland) and when I stopped and looked at he view and what I was doing I thought it was so majestic. I decided then and there to live each day this year with that same feeling
It was nice to find this post today as it is good to be reminded of my 'theme' for 2010. What's for you won't pass you...as they, Thanks
B @ logos coaching´s last blog ..Simplicity Thursday – 5 things to do whilst boiling the kettle
Hi Beverley
)
Great to have you here and thank you for sharing your adventure up Croagh Patrick. (My parents are Irish and I love visiting Ireland
I am glad this post was a good reminder for you of your theme for 2010. Your comment has been a good reminder of my theme too (gratitude).
Thanks again
Jen