All man’s miseries derive from not being able to sit in a quiet room alone. Pascal
Do you take time out for yourself to be alone or are you always surrounded by other people?
Like most people, I have both tendencies within me. When I want to be I can enjoy being sociable and other peoples company and at other times I want to batten down the hatches and shut the rest of the world out. Usually I fall somewhere in between but I have been thinking recently about the benefits of spending time alone and disconnecting from the world.
Hear Your Inner Voice
Over the last few years I have realised that I often haven’t taken the time to ask myself what I want. If there was a group of friends arranging a night out for example, I would be the one to say “I don’t mind” or “Whatever you fancy”. I have realised that a lot of the time I just didn’t take the time to listen to my answer. I have started practising choosing what I want and letting other people know.
This example may seem trivial (and sometimes I really didn’t mind where I ate 
) but it highlighted for me, what I was doing all over my life: letting other people make all the decisions. That wasn’t other peoples fault; I was handing the responsibility over to them. Once I stopped doing this and started to listen to myself on the smaller decisions in life, I build up that muscle and started to get in touch with my inner voice in other areas of my life.
I have shared similar realisations here before and the reason I am sharing it in this post is because I have found that spending time alone has been one of the best ways to get in touch with my inner voice. From deciding what I want for dinner to what I want to do as a career, taking regular time out to be alone has been one of the best things I have found to get clear on my own answers.
Recharge Your Batteries
It is good for the soul to disconnect every now and then and recharge your batteries. Think for a moment about all the external influences that affect you every day. From your immediate circle to advertisers or even online friends on Twitter and Facebook; we deal with an onslaught of information every day. Some of this might be positive and some might be negative, but it is all external influences and it does us good to switch off from it all sometimes.
When you give yourself space from the outside world you leave yourself room to really breathe and just be. This allows you to let go of the external you (whether we like it or not we all have a face or maybe faces that we present to the world) and get in touch with your inner world.
Get to Know Yourself
I have found the more comfortable I am by myself the more comfortable I am when I am around other people. Meditation in particular helps me to disconnect and get to know the real me. I personally find meditating to a guided meditation beneficial but meditation doesn’t have to be done by sitting quietly. We can meditate when washing the dishes or gardening: it’s really about being fully present in the moment. When we are fully present, we let go of thoughts and our ego and allow ourselves to just be.
Listen to Your “Hermit Cycle”
I have found that there is often a cycle to how much time I want to spend alone or with other people. It’s not a predictable cycle, I find that it is really about listening to that inner voice and respecting the answers I get. I often find if I have had lots of time alone, I will naturally want to “dehermitize” (yep, that’s a word I made up! ) and be with people again. Taking the time to enjoy my own company makes me appreciate others when I am with them.
Quality not Quantity
Your life is different to my life and you may be thinking “I haven’t got the time to be a hermit or spend more time alone although I’d like to”. If you want more time to be alone then this is something you will have to look at. In the meantime, quality time is what is important. For now, if you have ten minutes spare in your day, use that to be alone and gradually increase it as you wish.
Unleash Your Inner Hermit
We are all different and what works for me might not necessarily be for you. However, I believe we can all benefit from unleashing our inner hermit to some degree! 
Maybe you spend a lot of time alone already but would like to make that time more of a quality experience, maybe you can see that more alone time could enhance your creativity or maybe you are never alone and this will be a new experience.
Take a moment to see what a difference some time alone could make to you. I’d love to hear from you; how could unleashing your inner hermit help you?
I'm not sure about the hermit thing,
but listening to the voice within may be the best thing you will ever do in your life. I've only started doing that about a year ago, and it's working like magic for me now.
If you re-establish that connection within you, everything becomes clearer. You more you listen from the inside, the more your life become a quality life.
You are the director now, everyone else is just an actor in your reality.
Mars Dorian´s last blog ..Are you Otaku worthy ?
Hey Mars
Yeah, the hermit thing isn't for everyone but what you picked up on (listening to yourself) is what I think is important ... we all have different ways of doing that. I like the analogy of being the director of your life ... spot on!
Jen
Hi Jen
I love the way you've written this post!
It's interesting what you say about us having both tendencies - the need to be with others and the need to be alone. I'm much the same. If I'm honest I prefer, on balance, more quieter time these days.
But it wasn't always so. Some years ago I could be the life and soul of the party. It meant I got invited to a lot of parties and so my life was one big whirl of work and social activity. I'm sure some people would think that was good work life balance. But I got pretty burned out as a result. When I realised the bit that was missing was time for me I lost a lot of friends because I stopped colluding in what was a pretty mindless game.
I think that there are a variety of aspects of our lives from which we get a sense of meaning. Undoubtedly our relationships with others is one. But a primary one is our relationship with ourselves. If that's out of whack, the rest of our lives are too.
Christine Livingston´s last blog ..“Why I throw my staff out at 6pm”
Thank you Christine.
It is really interesting to hear about your experiences ... I can really identify with what you shared. You made a great point there ... some people think you have a good work life balance because you socialise a lot but like you I have found that can be exhausting too if you don't leave time for yourself. I think if others can't understand that then they are on a different path. As you said, our relationship with ourselves is the primary one and it is important to nourish that too.
Great, great post!
I have a favorite quote from "Oriha mountain dreamer" that causes me to stop and think when the outside world becomes my focus and I enter that dance...this may not be exact...."I want to know if you can sit with your own pain or the pain of another..."
Being "busy" doesn't always mean being "productive"...and when I'm not being productive I know I can find my focus again by simply sitting with myself for a moment...and you're right; it doesn't have to be a big production I don't think. Just stopping and taking a deep breathe sometimes is valuable to "refuel".
Hi Susan
Lovely to see you here.
Thank you for the reminder about "Oriah mountain dreamer" .. I am a big fan of "The Invitation" which I believe your quote is from... I will have to get that book again. It is a beautiful quote which fits in perfectly here ... can we just 'be'? That is the question.
It is good to hear about your experiences ...as you said just been willing to take the time to stop and take a deep breathe can make the world of difference.
Thanks for your thoughts
Jen
Hey Jen,
Funny that you should mention being alone and listening to yourself. It's the long weekend here and I've barely spoken to anyone this weekend because I wanted time to myself and to really ask/listen to myself for what I want to do next in my life. I really value my alone time and have no qualms about not answering the phone (that's what caller ID and answering machines are for) or for not responding to email/FB/Twitter immediately.
Without taking that break of having all the outside influences, how can you really know that you are living the life you want versus just going with the flow or taking the easy route?
Karen
Karen´s last blog ..50 Inspirational Quotes
Hi Karen
What wonderful synchronicity!
I like your attitude ... it is good to be in control of technology / phones etc and not the other way round. You are right ... that alone time really helps to close out the external influences and focus on what we really want. It's great to hear you are so clear around this Karen and I'm excited to hear what you decide to do next.
Jen
I've spent so many years being surrounded by friends and then when I hit 50 it seemed to flip and I spend less time with friends and more alone time or time with just hubs and I.
Oh that little voice if I listened every time I'd eliminate any or all problems...ya think?
Tess The Bold Life´s last blog ..Rock Your Swagga
Hiya Tess!
).
I've been the same ... I've always had a slightly hermit tendency but in the last few years seem to be much happier being alone (or like you just with my hubs ... and cat
I'm still learning to listen each time but as you said, I think if we can learn to, it could eliminate lots of problems!
Thanks Tess
Jen
I think a keyword that comes to mind when reading this is balance. It's great for us to appreciate time alone where we can actually reconnect with our inner voice. Doing so will make us appreciate the company of others. Great take home message. Thanks so much for sharing!!
Thanks Jarrod ... I agree. Balance is important and as you say gives us that space to really hear what we want.
Thanks for stopping by.
Jen
Hi Jen, I like the term "inner hermit" for some reason. I'm weird like that.
I think there are times to be social and there are times when we need to get to know ourselves. Sometimes they conflict with each other, just like your example of not listening to your answer when your friends were trying to arrange a night out. I believe we should always try to listen to our intuition, and sometimes we cannot find that if there is too much noise going on. That's why it requires us to be alone for some time, know ourselves better, and then gather enough potential in ourselves in order go out and make a change in the world.
Ha ha! Me too Hulbert!
I think you're right ... again it is all about balance and listening to our intuition. I find that alone time to listen to what I want helps me to be a better person when i'm with other people.
Thanks for dropping in.
Jen
I've actually started blogging my experiences with learning to listen to my inner voice more strongly. It's been amazing the things I've learned about myself in the last 6 months... I also did the 'whatever you want' and 'it's fine with me', to the point where I didn't know myself anymore. I still have a long way to go, but I applaud you for writing this... how much clearer we would all be if we went within more often
Thank you!
Hi Andrea
Great to hear that you are sharing your experiences. I have found blogging a great way to organise my thoughts and it has really helped me to listen to what I think more and let go of those bad habits. I still slip up at times but I think when we bring awareness to this area we do make strides forward.
Thank you for coming by.
Jen
Jen, how funny that I read this just after publishing "Follow your heart" (you talk about letting others make some decisions for you) and just before I go meditate. I know what you mean about being in constant state of social fulfillment, for lack of a better word
, but oh yes, being a hermit (or just being in solitude as I prefer to think of it) makes all the difference. We have to tap into the inner well before we exhaust ourselves....thank you for the reminder!
Hey Farnoosh!
I know ... great minds think alike huh? I had the same thought after reading your post. I am glad this resonated with you too .. I have found time alone is something that I value more and more.
Jen
I'm glad to have read this for I'm feel awkward about my propensity to be alone most of the time. My wife used to criticized me about my being so silent most of the time. The truth however is that I always contemplate about the things and situations surrounding me and finding myself within it. Indeed there's a lot I have learned and you have eloquently it stated here.
There's wisdom in being alone for a while.
Walter´s last blog ..What we should teach our children
Hi Walter
I am glad you found this helpful and thanks so much for sharing your experience here. From your articles I have always got the sense that you are a naturally contemplative person. You seem to notice subtle things nuances about the human condition and I am guessing part of that skill comes from your propensity for silence.
Thank you for your feedback Walter. I really value my alone time these days. I think it is something that can do us all so much good.
Jen
hi jen,
how are you?
thanks for sharing this.
i'm a firm believer in taking time out to be on your own because it helps one reflect on several plans, thoughts, activities...
it also gives one the opportunity to review various actions/decisions.
it's not weird at all but it's a higher form of learning(if i may say so lol!!)
take care of yourself and enjoy the rest of the day
ayo´s last blog ..How To Have Arguments In A Relationship (A Male’s Perspective)
Hi Ayo
I completely agree ... there is nothing wrong with having time alone, actually I am beginning to realise it is one of the best things we can do for ourselves!
Thanks for stopping by
Jen
Hi Jen - love this! I just got back from a 10 day family vacation. It was great, but after 10 days of four people in one room and near constant togetherness, I need some alone time! I love your "inner hermit" concept. It puts words into something I have long observed in myself - the need to balance social time with alone time. My life runs so much more smoothly when I take time to retreat. As you point out, even 10 minutes can help!
Cheryl Lyon´s last blog ..Guided One-Hour Virtual Retreats
Hi Cheryl
I can completely identify with what you shared ... I think it's all about balance and we need that down time as much as the interaction with others. I am glad this resonated for you.
Jen
Embrace the hermit!
I used to be hermit and in a way I still am. I'd much rather have time to myself that be off trying to do a million and one things. Now I have a much better balance.
I agree with Jarrod it's all about balance. Most people don't have a balance. They're just full tilt social animal 24/7 and the only time they have "hermit time" is when they're recovering for the night before.
I personally use my own time as a time to reflect on what's gone before. We all use our "hermit time" different but the important thing is to have it in the first place
Ben´s last blog ..Friday’s Personal Development Homework
Hi Ben
Ha ha! I agree, balance is key. I think you hit on something really important ... the only "hermit time" I used to have was recovering from socilaising which although useful isn't the same thing. Just carving some quality alone time, as you said to do whatever we want to do, is so valuable.
Thanks for your thoughtful comment Ben
Jen
I find it very interesting to read everyone's thoughts on "being a hermit." My life has been a crooked road but I find myself in a beautiful forest and every day is another day in paradise. What is making it even better is finally accepting who and where I am and living a life of happiness. I don't have a vehicle and I live 6 miles from the nearest "store". My husband works and is gone often so basically, I spend my time alone. This has all come about a year or so ago. Each day gets better and better. I have found that "being in the moment" is the first thing I focus on. And then stopping the struggle has been a close second. There are two quotes I live by: Be here now...and Let it be. I feel truly blessed!!
Thanks Marylu
You sound like you have really found your groove - it is really great to hear!
Jen
My work life is a carcophony of demanding voices . My only survival mechanism is the hermitage I return to at the end of the day.If I take a break from work , I feel drawn back to the noise.I dont know if this is "balance" , but the two states of existance seem dependant on each other and this seems to be what I call a life. I also smoke a pipe.
Hi John
It can be hard finding your way can't it? Listening to what feels right seems to work for me.
Jen
Hi Archan
Thank you for sharing more about Gandhi's life. You make a great point about Gandhi being sociable and enjoying solitude. I think time alone can really help us be much better with others when we are around them. I'll take you advice - sounds very wise.
Jen
Thanks for the post, Jen. It is great, as usual.
Mahatma Gandhi was a sociable person. You have to be if you want to lead the masses toward a goal. Gandhi interacted with many people on a daily basis.
However, Gandhi also valued solitude. So, he became a hermit every day at 4 a.m. in the morning. This is considered an auspicious time to wake up by people who live in Ashrams and monasteries all over the world.
After a drink of water and a bath, Gandhi would slip into fresh clothes: loose, comfortable, and then he would sit down to meditate and say his prayers.
This enabled Gandhi to listen to his "inner voice" before making decisions. Just something I thought I should share with you folks. Something I try to practice in my own life, thanks to Gandhian philosophy.
The advantage is that nobody is up and about in the wee hours of the morning. The early bird catches the worm. This has worked for a lot of successful and happy people all over the world. Give it a whirl? Maybe? This has changed my life. I feel much better now. Learning to spend time alone is great, to be sure.
Jen,
So funny, I just wrote a post about solitude last week! After you wrote this, but so many similar thoughts. I so agree with you on the benefits of being a hermit, I love the way you've framed it. I like the idea of a hermit cycle, too, which I definitely have going on. Also, listening to oneself, what one really wants in a situation. Such good suggestions. You truly are a kindred soul.
Linda
Great minds thimk alike eh Linda!
it is funny how we are so often on the same wave length isn't it? I am really enjoying alone time more and more, it gives me the chance to listen to myself more, something I didn't used to do as much.
Hey, I'm a big fan of solitude, and being very selective about who I choose to share my time with. Partly, I suppose it's because some of my biggest interests - writing, reading and photography - aren't really things that you can do with other people. But then again, if I find the right person I can chinwag about those subjects for ages! And my favourite job has been teaching teenagers.
I do need solitude though, to rebalance. In an ideal world I'd like a couple of hours of human contact a day and spend the rest hermitting.
Hi Jane!
It sounds like you really know what works for you which is so great. I've always known that I need my hermit time but sometimes would push myself and ignore those feelings. Recently I have started really listening to what I want and it has made a big difference. Like you I like a balance of hermit time and social time!:)
Jen
Wonderful post Jen. I may have been to your blog before, but simply don't remember. However, I just read a post by you over at Jeffrey Tang's blog, What Makes You Come Alive, that was very, very helpful to me today.
Since my husband passed away 18 months ago I've had a lot of time alone, the most in my entire life. Some of it has been difficult, but for the most part, it has been good. It has given me opportunity to learn who I am in this new phase of my life, and what I want.
I'm off now to subscribe to your blog. Have a wonderful day!!
Betty Jo´s last blog ..key identification
Hi Betty Jo
Lovely to see you here and I am so glad you enjoyed my article at 'Art of Great Things'. Thank you for sharing what has been happening for your recently, I am sorry to hear you lost your husband but I am really inspired by your attitude in moving forward to another phase and learning more about who you are.
Warm wishes
Jen
The older I get the more I want to be by myself. I am completely content to be alone and I stay so busy with myself that I am never bored or lonely. My mind races 24 hours a day and when I add additional people into the mix with their own thoughts and conversations I become overloaded.
The hubby says I will qualify for the perfect 'crazy cat lady' when I am older. (heck, I want to start now, where do i sign up)???