Have you ever noticed how many things in life people do without questioning why they are doing them?
There are certain so called “norms”. Finish school, get a job, settle down, buy a house, have a family, buy a bigger house etc till we die and then our children can repeat the process.
Obviously some people buck the trend and more and more people are doing just that. They may not get a “job” as such. For example, many people are now deciding to earn a living online whilst living where they want to like Henri. Some people help others find A Different Kind of Work like my good friend Christine. Others are generally all round rebellious souls like the wonderful Ash.
However, I am sure if you ask anyone who has done something different they would say there is a reality to break through; expectations that society has created that differ from their vision.
Collective mindsets can pop up anywhere. I used to work in a job that had a very unhealthy collective mindset around taking time off. Things weren’t always said as much as implied (most of the time) and there was an underlying mentality that gradually seemed to affect most of the staff there, which was that working was better than taking a holiday. Yes, there is a time for working but questioning peoples holidays for four weeks out of fifty two is just crazy in my opinion. Obviously I am not there anymore but whilst I was it took something to keep my own perspective.
This week my husband and I have been toying with the idea of buying a new house. We love our cottage (I promise I will post pictures soon for readers that have asked 
) but we have a very small and unusual shaped garden (more like a path than a garden!). Adrian loves gardening and grows a lot of our food (he has done an amazing job in such a small space) so we would like to buy a similar small cottage with a larger garden. We would also like to relocate closer to our local village so I can get the train to work and sell our second car. We are not interested in climbing the property ladder or getting a bigger house; we have all we need (and more, apart from the forementioned larger garden). Our goal is to pay off our mortgage sooner rather than later so that we can save thousands on the cumulative interest payments.
The reason I am sharing this with you is that we both noticed the collective mindset creeping in this week about this. For example some of the estate agents we spoke to suggested we look at buying a bigger house, make a better investment etc. But why do we need a bigger house? This advice seems to be engrained in people’s minds and bandied around like it is the truth. A bigger property means we will pay thousands more on the mortgage payments (read: more time at work) which is not what we want. I love my work but I also love feeling free to choose when and how I do it. I think a lot of people also think buying a bigger property will force them to save in the form of equity. We are very good at saving so this doesn't apply to us. Furthermore the fundamental flaw of this argument is that at some point you will have to sell your home and downsize to release that capital. This can also be very hard to do when you have become attached to your home. You may have a bigger house but whilst you’re living in it, it isn’t worth anything as you can’t sell it (this isn’t taking into account the bigger bills / maintenance a bigger house will demand).
Another way to look at this is why even get a mortgage in the first place? We have got one and are happy with the path we are taking but a mortgage isn’t essential and sometimes a crazy thing to do! Many countries value renting over having a mortgage and sometimes the life time payments are much lower in actuality. (Note: if you are interested in reading more about this line of thinking I highly recommend checking out: Early Retirement Extreme).
I have shared some of my recent experiences here about the collective mindset around property (in the UK at least) but the collective mindset prevalent in all areas of life. Henri at the Wake Up Cloud shared some brilliant advice for this problem this week: “Selective Ignorance: How to Be Okay with Following Your Passion”.
The collective mindset is everywhere, I notice myself getting caught up in it at times online too. Everyone else is doing x, y.z so maybe I should be doing that too? However there is also so much conflicting advice out there. All well intentioned but conflicting: write an ebook / ebooks are old news or post regularly / post only when you are inspired. There is so much noise around you at times that it can be really hard to hear what it is that you want to do.
The first step to breaking free of the collective mindset in any area of life is being aware that it is there in the first place. For many people, it is just “normal” (like The Matrix! ). A goldfish isn’t aware of the water it lives in till it is taken out. Likewise many people don’t realise there is another way. Start questioning everything. Just because something has always been done one way, doesn’t mean there aren’t alternatives that might suit you a lot better. As you listen to what you truly want to do and take actions consist with that, you start to break free of the collective mindset and thinking for yourself.
Note: For Star Trek fans, my husband likened the phenomenon of the Collective Mindset to the Borg.
What do you think? How do you deal with the collective mindset in different areas of your life? Have you broken free?
Great post Jen.
I think that when you have your own business, it forces you to break out of the collective mindset, because like you say, there is so much noise and collective wisdom that doesn’t necessarily apply to your business, and you either just have to tune it out and go with your gut, or find out what works for you specifically, via trial and error, independent of what other people think!
Anna
Anna Conlan´s last blog ..The Simple Truth About Life Purpose
Thanks Anna
Great example. I really think the ability to tune out of the noise is so important. Some information is of course useful but if we can't sort the wheat from the chaff we just end up overloaded and out of touch with our own feelings.
Jen
Hi Jen,
Fabulous post and I just love the photograph. Is it a kite?
I was struck by the estate agent's advice to buy bigger and make an investment, and indeed your reflections on this kind of thing being "bandied around as if it were the truth". That is so perceptive. I think about how this kind of advice comes up in a work context with traditional career counsellors telling people to invest in career paths and follow jobs that they might actually not particularly enjoy but will look great on the CV. All of these kind of things are just ways in which we mortgage our souls. Allowing our souls the freedom to speak for us is outside of the norm, for sure, but so satisfying in the long run.
Hope you and Adrian find a place exactly as you want, and on your terms!
Christine Livingston´s last blog ..What I Learned From My Broadband Blackout
Hi Christine,
I'm not sure to be honest. It's a lovely photo isn't it?
Great analogy - it is exactly like the career advice that is so often given. I think over years and years the 'best way' to do things (as far as society is concerned) evolves in all areas of life. Being willing to follow out own feelings can be scary but as you say so satisfying! Thanks for the good wishes.
Jen
Hi Jen,
So refreshing to hear that there is someone not intent on firing the boss and giving up the day job and producing regular useful blogs. This in itself seems to be outside the mindset of many "Self-development" sites where it seems the norm that you should want to pursue your dreams by doing just that!
It seems that it is entirely possible to produce a useful and informative service at the same time as working in a day job (that you may not completely hate) as you have so eloquently shown.
You have given me a more optimistic outlook regarding my own situation and although I have many iron's in the fire i.e. Day job, Our own Barn conversion, Animals (Ponies, Dogs, Chicken's, Sheep), a Family to run and my own business as a guitar teacher to develop I find I am a bit more reassured that I do not have to sign up for affiliate sales, writing ebooks or do new post every day just because that seems to be part of the collective mindset!
Hi Pete
Thanks so much for stopping by.
I don't mind a 'fire the boss' type post now and then but I do know exactly what you mean.
It can all become too much at times can't it? I think it's great to look at different ways of working etc but as you say that doesn't have to be through affiliate sales and ebooks. I think if we get stuck in that mindset, it can be just another set of shackles rather than something freeing.
Working on the internet isn't the only way to do what we love and can become a collective mindset if we let it. You sound like you've got some really cool things that you are working on. I look forward to hearing more about your journey!
Jen
Thank you. I loved this post. It does seem that there is such a collective mindset in society. And I am glad that people branch out and do their own thing. Good for you also to not feel pressured to buy more home than you need. There is too much of that happening in this world and then all you do is fill it with extra clutter. Great thoughts.
Stacy´s last blog ..Phineas and Ferb a modern blended family
Thanks Stacy - I am so pleased it resonated.
Jen
Jen, you are speaking my language in this article. Following the crowd has never interested me at all - and in fact, I never wanted to get married and still have to decide whether children are right for me, much as I enjoy their company. I don't understand why people think you should "do all your travel before babies" or "things are not gonna be the same after you've been married 10 or 20 years" or whatever else rubbish runs through their mind because they repeat what they hear....My marriage is far better than it was 5 years ago and I am NOT tired of traveling as some suspected I would be. Following the crowd is the path of least resistance and not paved with those who follow their passions. Thank you for a great article!
Hey Farnoosh
Thanks so much for sharing. I can really identify with you on this one! I am not sure about having children either... like you I enjoy their company but I haven't ever felt that I have wanted one of my own yet. I really think following what feels right for us is the most important thing - there isn't a template and what's right for one person won't be right for another. A big one I hear is "you'll be great parents" .. that's nice to hear and I appreciate the sentiment but I still don't think it means we want to be parents. Another good example of the collective mindset! Well done for paving your own path!
Jen x
My two pennethsworth: I'm 27 and single, which seems to quite freqently set off a barrage of clucking about 'leaving it too late', as either my ovaries will explode when I turn 30 unmarried or it will become illegal for a man to look at me. The look on people's faces when I tell them I'm not interesting in being with someone just because people think I should be settling down is often quite entertaining.
Hi Jane
It's amazing when we start talking about this stuff how many collective mindsets are around isn't it? It sounds like you're having some fun with it! Good for you for following what feels right for you... some of the advice out there is actually crazy! Much better to be happy than do something out of pressure & for the wrong reasons.
Lovely to see you here. Ah yes, that old chestnut! I've been there too!
Jen
Hi Jen,
How are you?
I really like the way you applied the collective mindset to all areas of life. Bravo to you for clearing all the noise and listening to what is right for you and your husband.
I thought about the collective mindset for a bit... I choose not to have children (I'm happy being an aunt), I choose not to have a traditional j-o-b, etc. However, I was recently talking with a blogger about regurgitating the same material in personal development. A reality check
I've since re-framed this and liken it to a bird regurgitating food to feed her chicks. Each of us will find our audience that will resonate with our unique personalities.
Nevertheless, it is good to check in with ourselves on occasion, to learn if we're going with the collective mindset or listening to our hearts.
Thanks for this post
Hi Kim
Great thanks. When I started writing about this it made me realise how much collective mindset is around! I think you're right - there can be a collective mindset in personal development. I don't think it's necessarily a bad thing as in some ways it can be about 'being on the same wavelength' and as you said we find the audience that resonates with how we approach things in our own unique way. If we listen to our hearts and take it from there I don't think we can go wrong.
Jen
Completely right Jen! There are many collective mindsets we all fall into and many of us never realise we are playing to them.
This is one of the reasons that self-reflection is so important isn't it? Because when you are aware fully of what you want in life and more importantly why, you can break away from that collective mindset and start thinking for yourself
Hope you're well. Long time no speak (my fault really)
Well said Ben, self reflection really is key as you then give yourself the time to really see how you fee about something.
I love this post for the fact that I also believe in living how you want to live. If you want to do the 9 to 5 thing, great. If not, then live the life of your dreams and find a way to make it happen.
Don't just do something because everyone around you tells you that you should.
After all, right now I'm a stay-at-home dad and working on blogging my way to a full-time income. My girlfriend works and we're making it and we're happy with this so far.
Some don't like it. We do and that's all that really matters.
Thanks for sharing!
Eric´s last blog ..Get To Know Me Better: Ask Me Any 2 Questions You Want
Well said Eric! Everyone is different but as you say it is about working out what you really want and going for it! Really great to hear what you are up to, really inpsiring!
Jen
Thanks!
Yeah I'm up to doing a lot more on my blog now. Working on my first product actually.. I'd better quit giving that info out just yet! lol
Thanks for the reply.
Eric´s last blog ..Get To Know Me Better: Ask Me Any 2 Questions You Want
That's great Eric! Look forward to hearing more when you release it!