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“Often people attempt to live their lives backwards: they try to have more things, or more money, in order to do more of what they want so they will be happier. The way it actually works is the reverse. You must first be who you really are, then do what you love to do, in order to have what you want.” Margaret Young

Who are you going to BE this year?

As the quote points out, we often get things topsy turvy. We often follow the path: have – do – be. We work out what we think we need to HAVE (more time, money, skills) and need to DO, to BE who we want to be. For example, I sometimes think that if I have more time and work harder, my coaching business and website will be more successful and I will BE happy.

However we all know that this approach doesn’t really work. Although we convince ourselves that more DOING will lead us to who we want to BE, how many times have we been proven wrong? How many times have we thought, when my business is doing really well, when I have 100 new subscribers, live in a new place or meet a fantastic partner… I will be happy? And how many times have a new set of problems stopped us in our tracks and stopped us from BEING who we really want to be, despite the fact that we HAVE those things?

The way the process actually works is:


It’s all about who we are BEING.

A shortcut

A quick way to decide who you want to be, is to look at what you want to have and think about who you would need to BE, to have that. For example, if you want to be promoted, who do you need to BE to get that promotion? Enthusiastic? Motivated? Inspiring? Another way to look at it is, who would you BE, once you got that promotion? Imagine how you want to behave, walk, talk and BE in that role and BE that way NOW.

100% Responsibility

A powerful point about living our lives form a place of beingness rather than doingness, is that it leaves you 100% in the driving seat of your experience. You don’t have to wait for other people to change, or to get the job of your dreams, to be who you want to be today.


It can take some practice, to learn how to be the way you want to be, on a consistent basis, but consider that you are always BEING a certain way, whether you are conscious of it or not. Rather than choosing your default ways of being (Unhappy? Happy? Sarcastic? Bubbly? Depressed?) you have a choice.

You can be ANY way you want to be

One of the things I know about myself is that I am often ‘nice’ on default. Now there is nothing wrong with that per se, and I’m not advocating not being nice, but sometimes I feel like I have no other choice but to be ‘nice’, which doesn’t always serve myself or others. Sometimes what’s called for, is to be assertive,  authentic, or just another way of being. I am learning to be the way I want to be in this area. The choices are infinite. Find ways of being that are authentically inspiring for you.

There is nowhere to get to

This is a dichotomy, as in our physical, linear world, there is tomorrow and we have goals we are working towards. However scientists have proven that time is all illusion. Being who we want to be NOW is all there is to do, in each moment of now.

It’s already so

The powerful thing about beingness, is that it is possible to be anything we wish, right now in this moment. Language is so powerful. If you say “I will be happy when XXXX” that is what you will get … your happiness out there in  the future, someday, dependant on something happening to be happy. A powerful affirmation is always in the present moment e.g.: “I am happy and content.”

Then, whatever comes our way shouldn’t matter, we are already the way we want to be. Conversely, the was the universe works is that we attract what we want when we are in alignment with who we really are.

Remind yourself

I find it useful to have reminders for myself about who I want to be (in a notebook that I carry around with me, on my noticeboard at home). In the day to day, it can be easy to forget or get caught up in external events.


As I mentioned, beingness is fluid and limitless and we do have a choice in each moment, of who we want to be. It is also powerful to have a focus for the year, which is my reason for writing this post. This year, the way of being that really appeals to me is gratitude.

Who are you committed to being this year?

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